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I've decided that I don't express my love for The Office (and Michael Scott, in particular) enough in my own LJ. Thus, I bring you the following quotes from last night's episode, Grief Counseling.
Michael: That is just not the way a Dunder Mifflin manager should go, I’m sorry. Alone, out of the blue. And not even have his own head to comfort him.
Michael: I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.
Jan: I understand how you feel, Michael, I really do. So would it be helpful to give everyone the day off?
Michael: You really don’t get it, do you. You don’t understand these people. That is the last thing that they would want, is a day off.
Jan: Well, what would you suggest.
Michael: A statue.
Jan: Of Ed?
Michael: Yeah.
Jan: I’m not sure that’s realistic.
Michael: Well, I think it would be very realistic. It would look just like him.
Jan: No, that’s not …
Michael: We could have his eyes light up, we could have his arms move …
Dwight: That is not a statue, that is a robot.
Michael: I think that is a great way to honor Ed.
Dwight: And how big do you want this robot?
Michael: Life size.
Dwight: Mmm, no. Better make it two-thirds. Easier to stop it if it turns on us.
Jan: What the hell are you two talking about?
Michael: There are five stages to grief, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And right now, out there, they’re all denying the fact that they’re sad. And that’s … hard. And it’s making them all angry. And it is my job to try to get them all the way through to acceptance. And if not acceptance, then just depression. If I can get them depressed, then I’ll have done my job.
Michael: I lost Ed Truck. And it feels like somebody took my heart, and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And, at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer. And then, a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone. And I’m crying, and nobody can hear me. Because I am terribly, terribly, terribly alone.
Dwight: When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissues made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
Pam: What do we know about this bird. You might think, not much, it’s just a bird. But we do know some things. We know it was a local bird. Maybe it’s that same bird that surprised Oscar that one morning with a special present from above.
Kevin: I remember that, that was so funny.
Pam: And we know how he died. Flying into the glass doors. But you know what, I don’t think he was being stupid. I think he just really, really wanted to come inside our building. To spread his cheer, and lift our spirits with a song.
Dwight: It’s not a songbird.
Michael: Sshhhh.
Pam: An impression, then. Lastly, we can’t help but notice that he was by himself when he died. But of course, we all know that doesn’t mean he was alone. Because I’m sure that there were lots of other birds out there who cared for him very much. He will not be forgotten.
Angela: Amen.
Michael: Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney. Because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.
Michael: That is just not the way a Dunder Mifflin manager should go, I’m sorry. Alone, out of the blue. And not even have his own head to comfort him.
Michael: I don’t understand. We have a day honoring Martin Luther King, but he didn’t even work here.
Jan: I understand how you feel, Michael, I really do. So would it be helpful to give everyone the day off?
Michael: You really don’t get it, do you. You don’t understand these people. That is the last thing that they would want, is a day off.
Jan: Well, what would you suggest.
Michael: A statue.
Jan: Of Ed?
Michael: Yeah.
Jan: I’m not sure that’s realistic.
Michael: Well, I think it would be very realistic. It would look just like him.
Jan: No, that’s not …
Michael: We could have his eyes light up, we could have his arms move …
Dwight: That is not a statue, that is a robot.
Michael: I think that is a great way to honor Ed.
Dwight: And how big do you want this robot?
Michael: Life size.
Dwight: Mmm, no. Better make it two-thirds. Easier to stop it if it turns on us.
Jan: What the hell are you two talking about?
Michael: There are five stages to grief, which are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. And right now, out there, they’re all denying the fact that they’re sad. And that’s … hard. And it’s making them all angry. And it is my job to try to get them all the way through to acceptance. And if not acceptance, then just depression. If I can get them depressed, then I’ll have done my job.
Michael: I lost Ed Truck. And it feels like somebody took my heart, and dropped it into a bucket of boiling tears. And, at the same time, somebody else is hitting my soul in the crotch with a frozen sledgehammer. And then, a third guy walks in and starts punching me in the grief bone. And I’m crying, and nobody can hear me. Because I am terribly, terribly, terribly alone.
Dwight: When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No. I believe his tissues made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
Pam: What do we know about this bird. You might think, not much, it’s just a bird. But we do know some things. We know it was a local bird. Maybe it’s that same bird that surprised Oscar that one morning with a special present from above.
Kevin: I remember that, that was so funny.
Pam: And we know how he died. Flying into the glass doors. But you know what, I don’t think he was being stupid. I think he just really, really wanted to come inside our building. To spread his cheer, and lift our spirits with a song.
Dwight: It’s not a songbird.
Michael: Sshhhh.
Pam: An impression, then. Lastly, we can’t help but notice that he was by himself when he died. But of course, we all know that doesn’t mean he was alone. Because I’m sure that there were lots of other birds out there who cared for him very much. He will not be forgotten.
Angela: Amen.
Michael: Society teaches us that having feelings and crying is bad and wrong. Well, that’s baloney. Because grief isn’t wrong. There’s such a thing as good grief. Just ask Charlie Brown.
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